Boy Scout Troop 325
Scoutmaster Minute
The Value Of An Education - Part II
July 30, 2003
George Denise, Scoutmaster

Two weeks ago, Mrs. Denise presented a minute on the value of an education. To sum it up, in today's dollars, the average person with a four-year degree can expect to earn about $950,000 more over his or her lifetime than a person with only a high school degree. That's the practical side. There is another side to this argument, as well. That is the embarrassment of not being able to communicate clearly because you cut your education off short. Rather than talk about it, I am going to give you some real-life examples. These are actual, written excuses given by parents explaining why their children should be excused for being absent. Listen carefully!

• "John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face." (That one's not too bad, I guess.)
• Let's try another: "My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him." Wow, tough parent.
• "Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot." Whoa, another tough Mom!
• "Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral." Bummer!
• "Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33." Wow. Long month!
• "Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating."
• "Please excuse Roland from PE for a few days. Yesterday, he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip." Gee, I hope he finds it soon.
• "Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part." Suppose she meant "groin." Or, maybe she did mean "growing part".
• "Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side." I guess an acre is a really big ache?
• "Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels." I hate it when those a's, e's, and I's in particular start rattling around.
• Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diahre...dyrea...direathe...he had the shits!" It happens.
• "Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak." I'm guessing his shorts leaked before his boots did!
• "We kept Carol home last week because we didn't want her to give her disease to everybody." That's what the latex gloves are for!
• "Please excuse Jack for being absent. He was in zoo." So now that he's back at school, does that mean he excaped?
• "Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust." Don't want to know about that one.
• "Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday." And you think you're confused!

So stay in school. At least pay attention in English! You don't want some Scoutmaster reading your faux pas at a Scout meeting some day.

Thank you, and God be with you.